Little Lessons

After feeling pretty overwhelmed with the future and putting a negative spin on a lot of things last week, I did some thinking and realized that even if I don't work as much or make as much money as I hope to, it will be great just to enjoy another summer at home, with my family. Time in and of itself can be a precious gift and that may be exactly what God wants to give me at this point in my life. If I can have patience, other things like homes and papers and vacations will come in time. I don't have to "arrive" quite yet. I can take my time getting to where I want to be eventually and I might even discover an alternative path I hadn't considered before along the way.

I feel a lot more positive about the future now. Not a lot has changed in my actual circumstance, but I just feel less anxious. I'm excited to go home in June and learn everything I can about non-profits and creating ESL curriculum for a month at CIELO, until we know more about what will happen with the funding. Letting go of the pressure to have my 6 month practicum set in stone before I leave has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. Meanwhile, I will continue to look for something long-term and just trust that the right thing will come up at the right time.

It's funny how as soon as I decided not to worry about it, things all of a sudden started to fall into place. Sometimes, I can just hear God saying, "I told you so (again)." I feel like I have to learn the same little lessons over and over and over again. Why is it so difficult to just trust and have faith? My father has said before that the difference between people who have faith and those who don't are that those who have faith don't need to worry nearly as much. How I long for faith to be the guiding light in my life and yet, how difficult it is to let go...

Since I'm on a little bit of a Gandhi kick this week anyway, I leave you with these quotes:

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever. --Mahatama Gandhi

Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into. -- Mahatama Gandhi

And a couple others I liked:

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. --Mary Manin Morrissey

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. -- Douglas Adams