Before I forget, I wanted to post a story that came up in my conflict transformation class last week. We were talking about non-violent conflict intervention and Gandhi's movement in India. Our teacher told us this story:
During Gandhi's days of leadership in India, there was a woman who had a five year old son, who was diabetic. Try as she would, she could not convince him to stop eating sweets. She tried scolding, pleading, punishing, rewarding and nothing worked. So, she took him to Gandhi. Gandhi spent 30 seconds talking to the boy. He told the mother to bring her son back in two weeks. She returned in two weeks crying because finally the little boy had completely given up eating sweets. She wanted to know what Gandhi could have possibly said to her son to convince him to give up sweets. He said that all he did was say, "I am going to give up sweets- will you join me?"
Our teacher then went on to tell us about a time he had used this method in his own family to try to get his uncle to stop smoking. He invited everyone in the family to give up something to affirm the life of his uncle. Some of his relatives gave up smoking themselves and invited him to join them. My teacher's nephew was very bullied in school, which is a widespread problem in Japan, often leading to suicides. His nephew was bullied so much that he was on the verge of suicide himself. When invited to participate in this life affirming process, his nephew told his grandfather, "If you stop smoking, I will keep going to school and never give up." Our teacher told us that although his uncle did not give up smoking, many other lives were saved and protected in the process of extending this invitation to affirm life.
These stories for me speak to the importance of inviting others and engaging with others. What strikes me most about Gandhi's work was that he didn't tell the Indian people what they should do. He led by example and invited others to join him. You get the feeling watching documentaries on him that he would have done the salt march alone if he had to, but invitations compel people toward action on a much deeper level than commands do. Next time I want someone in my life to change their behavior in some way, I will attempt to influence them through an invitation which engages and affirms, rather than by complaining, scolding, or begging, which tends to distance others. I think this really speaks to the attitude of us together rather than that of you and me as separate and independent beings. Like the metaphor of the body, if the finger is hurt or infected, you don't just ignore it, because ultimately it will affect the rest of the body or you will lose the use of this important body part. We should pay most attention to those parts of the body that are most needy, if we truly want to live as one body in Christ, as we claim to.
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