Friday, August 24, 2007
So Blessed!
Well, this week has brought with it some more changes for Juan Carlos and me. I was offered a new job at Pierce College working as the International Program Coordinator, which will be great because it fits in perfectly with my degree, so I can use it for my practicum and finish my degree by May or July. Plus I get to do student advising, as well as learn about international student admissions and plan activities, so it should be a lot of fun. I just found out today I get my own big office too, with a window and a rocking chair, which is just really exciting all in itself!! I'm so happy. Plus, as if that weren't enough, Juan Carlos and I finally found a home we want to rent for the next year. It's beautiful, in a great location and it's cozy, yet spacious enough to entertain every once in awhile, which was important to us. I think we'll learn a lot about what's involved in having a home over the next year too, so we can be more educated when we are finally able to purchase one. I just feel overjoyed and so so blessed! At the beginning of this week, I was starting to get so stressed out about the job situation and where we were going to live. Juan Carlos and I prayed about it and the next day, everything started to magically fall into place. I wasn't expecting that at all. It's as if God just wanted to remind me that everything really will work out if we just trust him. What an exciting and amazing time in life- I just want to soak in every moment of it.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
ENGAGED!
It finally happened. Juan Carlos took me for a long walk to a non-existent river on a very hot summer afternoon two days ago, promising a refreshing swim. After about an hour and a half of walking in our flip-flops carrying towels, he realized the last time he arrived at the river by this path was when he and some friends rode their bikes (which, needless to say would take them much farther in much less time) Ultimately, we decided to head back to the car and drive to the river, but we had a great talk along the way. We found a secret area by the river where we could be alone to go swimming. After we had both braved the freezing cold water for a few minutes, Juan Carlos got a surprised/concerned look on his face and looked behind him. There was what appeared to be a piece of plastic floating in the water behind him. I asked him if it was his because it wasn't mine and he was like, "oh yeah.." and put it back in his pocket. I thought it was strange but I was glad he didn't want to litter...
Then, he started saying a lot of really nice things and just telling me he loved me again and again, but it seemed like he wanted to say something else. After a little while longer, I started to get cold and suggested we go. He said, "Sure, but first I just want to say I love you with all my heart and will you marry me?" (and he pulled out the soggy cardboard wrapped box with the ring inside!! ) He tore apart the soggy cardboard and pried open the box, trying to be sure the ring didn't fall into the water. The ring was gorgeous and perfect and I said, "Yes, a thousand times yes! (in Spanish)" and we hugged and kissed. Then I asked him, "Was that what went floating down the river?" He said, "Yeah, I went to take it out of my pocket and it wasn't there. All I could think was now, where am I going to find it? I was so lucky it was just floating behind me." And we both got a good laugh out of it- a classic romantic comedy.
Now, I could not be happier. Juan Carlos has shown me throughout our time together, and especially recently that he really does take into consideration what's important to me, that he's willing to compromise, that he truly loves me and that I can trust him to take care of me. I feel so fortunate to be promised to such an incredible man. He is so handsome and smart- so responsible and generous- so patient and grounded. He respects me, my opinion and my desires, he supports me in all my various pursuits and passions, and he prioritizes my well-being and the health of our relationship.
I believe that more than anything, getting married is a committment and a choice to spend the rest of your life with someone, through the difficult times and through the joys, through whatever twists and turns life throws at you. You're choosing a partner- the person you want to wake up to every day, the person you want to serve, the one you want to raise children with and laugh with and cry with and face life with. Juan Carlos is so strong- he is a pillar for me in my life. He has been through so much in his own life that he understands human resilience. He knows what we can make it through. Where others might break down or give up, he fights. He understands the importance of relationships and of generosity and he constantly pushes me to live out my faith more sincerely by giving more freely. He values time with family and he looks so forward to being father himself. He loves children- he is playful and funny and I know we will always have plenty of laughter in our home!
I feel a little sad that most of my family still can't know him very well because of language barriers, but God-willing, we have a whole lifetime together for Juan Carlos and my family to get to know each other too. I am happy and hopeful about the future and I hope that those I love can try to see what I see in him and be happy for me too!
Then, he started saying a lot of really nice things and just telling me he loved me again and again, but it seemed like he wanted to say something else. After a little while longer, I started to get cold and suggested we go. He said, "Sure, but first I just want to say I love you with all my heart and will you marry me?" (and he pulled out the soggy cardboard wrapped box with the ring inside!! ) He tore apart the soggy cardboard and pried open the box, trying to be sure the ring didn't fall into the water. The ring was gorgeous and perfect and I said, "Yes, a thousand times yes! (in Spanish)" and we hugged and kissed. Then I asked him, "Was that what went floating down the river?" He said, "Yeah, I went to take it out of my pocket and it wasn't there. All I could think was now, where am I going to find it? I was so lucky it was just floating behind me." And we both got a good laugh out of it- a classic romantic comedy.
Now, I could not be happier. Juan Carlos has shown me throughout our time together, and especially recently that he really does take into consideration what's important to me, that he's willing to compromise, that he truly loves me and that I can trust him to take care of me. I feel so fortunate to be promised to such an incredible man. He is so handsome and smart- so responsible and generous- so patient and grounded. He respects me, my opinion and my desires, he supports me in all my various pursuits and passions, and he prioritizes my well-being and the health of our relationship.
I believe that more than anything, getting married is a committment and a choice to spend the rest of your life with someone, through the difficult times and through the joys, through whatever twists and turns life throws at you. You're choosing a partner- the person you want to wake up to every day, the person you want to serve, the one you want to raise children with and laugh with and cry with and face life with. Juan Carlos is so strong- he is a pillar for me in my life. He has been through so much in his own life that he understands human resilience. He knows what we can make it through. Where others might break down or give up, he fights. He understands the importance of relationships and of generosity and he constantly pushes me to live out my faith more sincerely by giving more freely. He values time with family and he looks so forward to being father himself. He loves children- he is playful and funny and I know we will always have plenty of laughter in our home!
I feel a little sad that most of my family still can't know him very well because of language barriers, but God-willing, we have a whole lifetime together for Juan Carlos and my family to get to know each other too. I am happy and hopeful about the future and I hope that those I love can try to see what I see in him and be happy for me too!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
High Expectations
All my life, I seem to have struggled with expectations and disappointment. I have psyched myself out of thinking I got a part in a play or got a job I wanted, with the logic that if I believe I won't get it and I do, I will be happy but if I believe I will and I don't, I will only be disappointed. My sister once told me that optimists live longer and I responded, "maybe, but they are more disappointed when they die."
This has generally been my outlook on things and yet, in spite of all my conscious efforts to try to not have any expectations of other people and the world, I can't seem to let go of it. I see myself as being cynical, when my classmates would peg me for an idealist. Sometimes it would seem as if I set myself up for failure or for disappointment- after all, who could meet all those high expectations I seem to have of myself and others in my life?
Some people have told me I expect too much of people and that is why I am so consistently disappointed. But today, I've decided that the high expectations I hold could also be seen as having a particular faith in people and in what they're capable of. I have been thinking a lot about this cross-culturally with gender roles. I see many women in Juan Carlos's family putting up with what I consider to be unacceptable behavior from their male counterparts (coming home extremely late drunk, or not even bothering to come home all weekend, spending huge portions of their income and time drinking with friends without ever inviting their wives out, expecting the woman to work AND take care of cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. by herself, looking down on a woman going out anywhere if she has a child) And I just wonder what these women must think. So often, they put down other women who try to exert their independence by saying they're sluts or don't know how to behave with their husband, even at times justifying physical abuse. So, to accept this kind of lifestyle, what kinds of expectations must they have grown up with?
Sometimes, I've honestly wished that to not create waves, that to make things easier, I could bring myself to re-shape my expectations, to only hope for a husband who can support us financially and who doesn't hurt me, like so many women in the world. But I can't shake these high expectations that tell me I want so much more than that. I want to be someone's priority, not someone's caretaker. I want to be a partner, not a servant. I want mutual love and humor and affection and humility and service and joy to reign in my home. I think it is a mistake to believe that boys will be boys who grow into men that cheat and act selfishly. It is a mistake to believe that men and women of any background are not capable of rising to the occassion and putting in their part and even finding joy in it. The roles don't have to be exactly the same, but they should be equal- there is no excuse for taking advantage of someone else's love and service.
Maybe for some, I do have high expectations - being able to go out with my girlfriends for a drink, expecting my husband to put in his full 100% effort to contribute to our marriage and help in the house and work full time and have a good attitude about it ; ), of myself working in a job I love and of being a wife and a mother. I dream of and expect stability and security, adventure and the unknown. There are birds that are seemingly content to be caged in, but there are others who need to fly- my expectation is the latter. For myself and for my future spouse, I have high expectations, and regardless of whether they will occassionally lead to disappointment, I recognize that I and anyone I choose to be with are certainly capable of living a life to meet those expectations. I'll take the risk of disappointment over the certainty of unfulfillment, were I to lower them in any way.
This has generally been my outlook on things and yet, in spite of all my conscious efforts to try to not have any expectations of other people and the world, I can't seem to let go of it. I see myself as being cynical, when my classmates would peg me for an idealist. Sometimes it would seem as if I set myself up for failure or for disappointment- after all, who could meet all those high expectations I seem to have of myself and others in my life?
Some people have told me I expect too much of people and that is why I am so consistently disappointed. But today, I've decided that the high expectations I hold could also be seen as having a particular faith in people and in what they're capable of. I have been thinking a lot about this cross-culturally with gender roles. I see many women in Juan Carlos's family putting up with what I consider to be unacceptable behavior from their male counterparts (coming home extremely late drunk, or not even bothering to come home all weekend, spending huge portions of their income and time drinking with friends without ever inviting their wives out, expecting the woman to work AND take care of cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. by herself, looking down on a woman going out anywhere if she has a child) And I just wonder what these women must think. So often, they put down other women who try to exert their independence by saying they're sluts or don't know how to behave with their husband, even at times justifying physical abuse. So, to accept this kind of lifestyle, what kinds of expectations must they have grown up with?
Sometimes, I've honestly wished that to not create waves, that to make things easier, I could bring myself to re-shape my expectations, to only hope for a husband who can support us financially and who doesn't hurt me, like so many women in the world. But I can't shake these high expectations that tell me I want so much more than that. I want to be someone's priority, not someone's caretaker. I want to be a partner, not a servant. I want mutual love and humor and affection and humility and service and joy to reign in my home. I think it is a mistake to believe that boys will be boys who grow into men that cheat and act selfishly. It is a mistake to believe that men and women of any background are not capable of rising to the occassion and putting in their part and even finding joy in it. The roles don't have to be exactly the same, but they should be equal- there is no excuse for taking advantage of someone else's love and service.
Maybe for some, I do have high expectations - being able to go out with my girlfriends for a drink, expecting my husband to put in his full 100% effort to contribute to our marriage and help in the house and work full time and have a good attitude about it ; ), of myself working in a job I love and of being a wife and a mother. I dream of and expect stability and security, adventure and the unknown. There are birds that are seemingly content to be caged in, but there are others who need to fly- my expectation is the latter. For myself and for my future spouse, I have high expectations, and regardless of whether they will occassionally lead to disappointment, I recognize that I and anyone I choose to be with are certainly capable of living a life to meet those expectations. I'll take the risk of disappointment over the certainty of unfulfillment, were I to lower them in any way.
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