Overdue Update

Well, I was hoping my next post would include wedding pictures, but alas, it is taking almost as long as me getting out thank you cards. The wedding was great- it was amazing to feel supported by so many people that we love and although there was a little culture clash at the reception (with the large, loud Mexican band and my quiet, contained or just very social american family not being accostomed to that) I think most were ultimately able to enjoy themselves. They did shut us down an hour early which was disappointing, but just as well, since it gave Juan Carlos and I a little extra time to enjoy our honeymoon suite ; ) We have been very happily married since. The first week or two were actually the most difficult for us in adjusting- since then, it has been much smoother. Getting used to living with someone new is always different- then the cultural piece just adds another layer of challenge and of "wonderfulness." I have been really impressed by Juan Carlos's patience and support and I feel like I know him 15 times better in this one month of living together than I did in 3 years of dating.

I have been working at Pierce college all quarter on international student admissions and activities, but I was recently offered a great opportunity to work 5 minutes from home at Saint Martin's University as their ESL Programs Manager, which I'm really excited about. The other staff members seem motivated, energetic and inspiring and I am excited to be around so much youthful energy and inspiration. Plus, I have missed teaching and this position will give me experience in program management, which I've been wanting, one on one student advising, which I also really want, and the opportunity to teach two classes each semester, which I'm really looking forward to. Plus, I'm still working in international education and it should work for my reflective practice phase so I can finish my capstone by July. I'm absolutely thrilled and i feel so blessed that God has given me this opportunity.

Juan Carlos is set on going to Mexico in December of 2008, so we are trying to save for that. He is looking for a job where he can make more money or looking to take on another job in the evenings. Please keep him and us in your prayers and we try to decide what the best move would be for him right now.

I am also involved in a group at church called JustFaith. We have been meeting every Monday since September and I've really been enjoying it. Today we went to CIELO, where I used to work to talk about the programs there and the immigrant community in the area. It is always interesting to hear the perspectives different people have on racism and whether it exists and why. To me, I believe so many people think racism is simply a matter of hating someone based on how they look. I would say it is hating what you think you know about someone based on how they look. Racism is just one kind of stereotyping that can lead to sickness in the world. Many people would agree that deep hate is based out of a deep fear. People fear others because of a perceived threat- crime, using tax money, exploiting the system, terrorism, wanting to take over, taking jobs from Americans, etc. It's justified in their heads, which is exactly what allows it to continue. I perceive my calling in addressing this issue to be education. I really believe in people- I believe we are inherently good and when there are bad policies or positions that are not in favor of humanity as a whole, I question the basis of those positions and I try to take a moment to educate. I believe that all people, with the appropriate information can make rational, fair and just decisions. I see how much it hurts my own husband to be treated differently simply because of where he's from, where he works, and who he is, even by members of my own family. Under Catholic social teaching, we are called to love all people, regardless of where they come from, what language they speak or what skills they have. Juan Carlos has brought more to my life than anyone else I have ever known and I have known plenty of educated, schooled people from all around the world. Educational background and job status may bring home a bigger salary but they don't make someone understanding, sympathetic, thoughtful, and intelligent about matters of survival. Sometimes I look at Juan Carlos and just think how incredibly smart he has to be to have been so successful in a country that is not his own, with a language that is not his own, when he came here at only 17 years old. He learned the public transportation system on his own, he learned to drive on his own, buy a car on his own, pay bills on his own, he washed his own clothes, made his own food, he learned all of the jobs he took with no previous experience. That's the man I married and that's the man I love. I wish everyone could see what I see but I understand that in this imperfect world, that won't be possible. Regardless, I stand by my decision and I thank God every day for sending me such an incredible partner in life.

Please keep us in your prayers as we need them desperately. I hope you are all well and I will try to write more frequently- meanwhile, look for Christmas cards...Happy Holidays!

Reflections in the midst of chaos

With less than two weeks to go before Juan Carlos and I commit our lives to each other, I have had enough emotional breakdowns lately to call me into a little bit of reflection tonight. Sometimes I think about when we thought of getting married in a small chapel with only our immediate families there and how much easier that would have been. I am feeling the burden of abundance in some ways with this wedding. It's so easy in planning an event this large to get caught up in how things are going to look and who is going to think what- how to please all people and cater to all cultures, how to keep it organized and loose, planned and spontaneous, how to make all the little pieces fit just so. With the best of intentions, I tell myself, I just want it all to work out. I just want everyone to be happy. But I remember in moments like these that happiness is not a seamless performance when everything goes just right. Happiness is when you realize how much people care about you because they step in when something starts to fall apart. It's the last minute trip to the store because you didn't get enough ice. It's your sisters convincing you that you're beautiful even when your hair looks like crap. It's a hug at the end of a hard day full of unmet expectations reminding you everything is going to be ok- that life goes on and so does love and, in the end, that's more important than the food and the punch and the decorations. In the end, that's really what happiness is all about.

It's so easy to forget but so important to remember that what makes me feel most fulfilled and joyful about the planning of this whole wedding is not the gorgeous dress or the great food or the personal touches here and there, but how loved I feel seeing all the effort loved ones have put in to make this happen. The real perfection lies not in having something "just so" but rather in the fact that I am so fortunate to be cared for enough to have any of it at all. In these final days of planning and preparation, I will try to focus more than anything on my gratitude for all the love in my life. After all, that's really what this sacrament is meant to help me and everyone else realize is that a committment to love through the unexpected, through the difficult is unsurpassable, for this kind of decision moves from that which is human to the divine.

Little by little

So, I just finished with my first week at my new job. It was a little overwhelming, but I have already learned a lot and I'm excited about that. Monday, I start a new program with church called JustFaith. It requires a lot of reading and a pretty big committment. We are going to be learning and talking about Catholic Social Teaching. From the readings so far, I think it will be challenging for me and help me grow a lot spiritually. I really want to make it a priority and keep up with it this coming year. In two weeks classes start again at CIELO and I am supposed to be writing lesson plans for that too until they can find a replacement. I really don't know how long I'll be able to handle it though. It will be about 15 hours on top of my already 40 hour a week job...we'll see. Otherwise, I'm trying to pull wedding plans together the best I can. Little by little we are getting invitations addressed and mailed out, decorations purchased and last minute services booked. It's going to be a pretty full day and night, so we'll have to be extra organized, but I'm really excited! I can't believe it's all finally coming together. My challenges right now are just letting things go when they don't go as planned, laughing off mistakes and unexpected issues and just trying to have a good time with all this. Everyone tells me it's such a memorable time in life, you just really have to appreciate each moment, so that's what I'm trying to do. Little by little. That has been the theme of my life lately. Once, when I was first going to study abroad, I started crying because I was so overwhelmed that I would be away for so long and my sister looked and me and said, little by little, Janelle. In this moment, you're not going away for 4 months. You're just getting your bags checked. Then, you just have to get on the plane, then you just have to get off. Her advice helped me to appreciate the whole experience so much more. I couldn't think of it all at once. I just had to take in and act in the present moment, as it came. Now, too, moment by moment, task by task, piece by piece life is changing, falling apart, coming together differently. I have today, right now-and that's all I really have to decide about, affect, and change. Little by little I'm learning to let go of what I most want to hold onto. I'm constantly reminded of what is really important- not colors and centerpieces but compassion and compromise.